mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
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