I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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