I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
