the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
