hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
why do cheetos always look like penises
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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