my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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