Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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