New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
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She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
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I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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