11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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