Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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