i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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