I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
