please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Enjoy the penises
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
