Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Randomize
