Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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