take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
