i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
