It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
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Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
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I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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