i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Randomize
