your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
All the doctor said was why
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
