Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
