I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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