Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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