You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
