Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
