Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
