Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
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