You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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