Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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