i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
