I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
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