im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
