I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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