I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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