i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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