Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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