How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
