he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
