She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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