i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
