What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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