Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
