she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
