I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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