I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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