Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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