worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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