I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
