it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
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