I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize