TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
