i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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