You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
