your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
