Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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