Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
