Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
