Having a random hookup so left but love u
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
