his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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