wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
