I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
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