why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
