I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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