he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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