I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
