We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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