I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
