She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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