Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Randomize
