I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
