if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
