She is in my trunk
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
