this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
