I can text with my tongue
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
