I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
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Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
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I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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